Poverty
by Disco-Sadistic
Summary: "Sirius and I had a talk today."  James forgives Sirius, hugs Lily, and holds the world together  for a moment, at least .  JP/LE.  LE/SB.  SB/RL.


**A/N: **And here you have it: the sequel to Need. It might be able to stand on its own, but I wouldn't count on it. This was written for the same fest over at mwpp_mischief on Livejournal.

_"You remember this summer when you opened your letter and that hideous badge fell out?"_

_"Yeah, what about it?"_

_"Remember how Remus looked sort of amused and just said that all that effort for Evans's sake must be paying off? And then your mum got all teary and said Evans was the best thing that'd ever happened to her baby boy?"_

_"Remember how I've only got one term left and Evans still doesn't want to date me and she never will?"_

_"Well, that's the thing. I think ... I think maybe you could be as good for her as she is for you."_

_"She hates me."_

_"No. She needs you."_

_"I'm a big boy, Padfoot. I'm over lying to myself."_

_"No ... Merlin, Prongs, you're going to hate me, but ..."_

Lily is sitting on the floor of the Heads' Common Room when James finds her. Her legs are open wide, and even with her books spread out between them, he has a nice view of her knickers. He knows he isn't dreaming because they're neither silky nor lacy. He gets hard anyway. "Alright, Evans?" His voice is a little strained. Lily grins when she sees him and his stomach flips over. We're just friends, he tells his racing heart, but it doesn't quite believe him.

"Where've you been?" she demands.

"With Sirius."

"I haven't seen you in ages."

"You saw me last night."

"At dinner. That doesn't count."

"It counts."

"No."

"Why, did you miss me?"

Lily holds up two fingers, and the gap between them is less than a centimeter, but it's there and it's torture. _No hope_, James tries to tell himself, but it's hard when she teases him like this. "A little."

"Only a little?"

"Don't push your luck, mate. We haven't had a proper row all term. I'm aching for a reason to hex you."

"Fair enough. Come with me to the Astronomy Tower for a smoke?"

Lily gestures to the books spread between her legs, which provides the perfect excuse for another peek at her knickers. "I'm busy right now."

James takes a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and waves them extravagantly. "My treat."

With a sigh, she holds out her hand and lets him help her up from the floor. "You're such a good influence."

"Naturally. That's why they made me Head Boy."

_"Hey, Sirius?"_

_"Prongs!"_

_"I forgive you for sleeping with the girl of my dreams."_

_"See, you almost sounded serious there."_

_"I am."_

_"Thank Merlin! I've been dying to tell you about this thing Moony can do with his tongue ..."_

_"Is it too late to go back to being pissed at you?"_

_"What if I just tell you what I was going to say about Evans before you hexed me and locked yourself in your room for three days?"_

_"Better plan."_

The calendar says it's been spring for weeks, but ice still clings to the air on top of the Astronomy Tower. Lily lights the fag between her lips and cups her hand around the glowing cherry for warmth.

"Cold?" James asks.

"Always."

They smoke in silence for a moment while he gathers up his courage. She seems so incredibly content, leaning against the edge of the tower and watching the afternoon sunlight reflect off the lake. It's hard for him to reconcile all the things he knows about her into one coherent being. He might be in love with whomever's at the center of the web of Evanses, but it'll be a long while before he figures out who that is. "I have a question."

"Fantastic for you."

"Are we still on hugging terms?"

"I hugged you at dinner yesterday."

"That was ages ago."

"Is this your way of asking for a hug?"

"It might warm you up." Lily places her cigarette carefully in the crevice of the wall and wraps her arms around him. She doesn't hug half-heartedly. She pulls James in like she means it. His arms go around her and he holds her tightly. He doesn't know how long a bloke is supposed to hug a just-a-friend girl for, so he's the first to pull away. Lily stays close, and when she tilts her chin to look up at him, there is something like affection in her green eyes. James thinks of how easy it would be to lean down and kiss her now, throw away a little friendship for a lot of nothing.

"What's wrong, Potter?"

"Nothing."

"Alright. I believe you."

"Don't get snarky with me, Miss Evans."

"Don't lie to me, Mr. Potter."

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"No."

"You never make anything easy on me, you know that?"

"Yes. I'm a good friend, though."

"Oh, I know. You're definitely worth it." The harsh wind whips a hint of color into Lily's fair cheeks. It's not nerves making her blush, but when she turns away to take a drag from her cigarette, James thinks he catches her looking vulnerable from the corner of his eye.

_"She asked me to tell you."_

_"Just in case I was getting my hopes up."_

_"It didn't seem like that was why."_

_"What'd she say?"_

_"That she didn't like being a secret between you and me."_

_"That was ruddy kind of her."_

_"Yeah, but I don't think Evans is that selfless."_

_"Well, what do you think, then?"_

_"I think she just doesn't like having secrets from you."_

"Sirius and I had a talk today."

The change in Lily's demeanor is immediate and harsh. She'd been friendly, then nervous, but now she's cold and hard. "Is that unusual?"

"I don't hate you."

"Why would you?"

"I don't even think any less of you for what you did with him. I still ..." James swallows. He cannot bring himself to finish that sentence, not anymore.

Her laugh is sudden and bitter. "Gonna ask me for a friendly shag, just like I had with your mate?"

"No, I-"

"I'm not a tart, Potter."

"I know ... Did you love him?"

"No," firmly.

"Then why?"

"He needed me."

"And you needed him?"

"I needed ... No." Lily's hands curl into fists. She crushes her cigarette where she holds it. "I don't need anyone."

_"See, Evans has spent the past three years trying to chase you away."_

_"Yeah, Padfoot. I kind of picked up on that."_

_"But then, I think, when she started to realize she couldn't, she started to trust in that a little bit, and that scared her."_

_"Lily Evans isn't afraid of anything."_

_"Maybe not, but I think now that she let herself believe you aren't going anywhere, she's starting to worry about you going away."_

_"That makes no bloody sense."_

_"Birds, mate."_

"It's okay to need people, Evans."

"I don't. I don't!" Lily looks helplessly at the crushed cigarette in her hand. "I need another fag."

"Trade you for a hug."

"Fine. I don't care." She doesn't grab onto James this time. She just stands there stiffly as he pulls her closer and closer until he can rest his chin on the top of her hair.

_"What makes you so sure?"_

_"Three weeks after it happened the first time, her parents died in a car crash."_

_"Yeah. I heard about that."_

_"She didn't come find me. I don't think she went to anyone for comfort. She just kept living at home until September."_

_"She must have-"_

_"I don't think she did. I ran into her alone a couple days into term and she asked me about my summer, and ... I don't know. Somehow we started fooling around, and as we were going at it-"_

_"-Padfoot."_

_"Sorry. It's necessary. We were, you know, doing things and for some reason I just started telling her about how my parents are fucking nuts and my little brother's probably a Death Eater and he's going to marry the cousin I was supposed to be engaged to and then I just started, like, sobbing all over her and all of a sudden she was crying, too."_

_"So ... ?"_

_"She wasn't that upset about my family, Prongs. No one gets that upset about my family-not even me, most days. I just ... I don't think she can let her guard down like that around most people."_

_"So why you?"_

_"Because I needed her."_

_"I don't understand."_

_"I think you need to talk to her."_

_"And say what? 'Oh, hey Evans, heard you shagged my best mate'?"_

_"Just ... let her know you're not going anywhere."_

"I'm not going anywhere, Evans." James doesn't pull away this time. He just holds Lily, even after she tries to step back, and when she finally stops struggling and puts her arms around his waist, he presses the lightest of kisses to her forehead. It's not sexual or possessive. It's just something he has to do, and it relaxes her, somehow. He feels the tension in her muscles lessen as she leans into him and buries her face in his shoulder.

Lily doesn't tremble. She is totally silent. James thinks, if she were another bird, Lily would be crying. He wonders if she remembers how. "Potter?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not good at needing people."

"I know, Evans."

"I just needed not to be alone." Lily's hands curl into his robes and she tries to step closer, but there is no space between them to close. "Potter?"

"Hmm?"

"My parents are dead."

"I know."

"I wasn't ready. I'm not an adult. I'm an orphan. I'm not ready to graduate. I don't want to fight in a war. I want to go home. I'm homeless and I just want to go home."

James doesn't have anything to say to comfort her. He doesn't know how it feels. He can't even come close. All he can say is, "I'm not going anywhere, Evans."

**A/N: **If you could stop doing that thing you do where you favorite a story without leaving a review and start leaving reviews, I would really appreciate it.


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